Anatomy scan (preparing for babies)

My 18 week anatomy scan is this morning. I set my alarm for 6:30 am so that I could be ready to leave to make my 8:00 am appointment at maternal fetal medicine. Not to worry, I was awake at 4:30 and couldn't make it back to sleep in time to bother. So here I am at 6:17 updating my blog. Such is life.

I feel like I am in limbo land land lately. I am obviously expecting a baby (measuring 22 weeks pregnant at 18 weeks), but trying not to get too indebted to the idea of having these babies before all the scans and tests look good and before 24 weeks (viability). It's hard. I found a great deal on a car seat this weekend (over 50% off!) so bought it. But not before I made sure I could return it unopened with the receipt if anything happened. I was browsing at Chapters yesterday and found some adorable toys for 75% off that I would have loved to buy for the babies. But I still feel like I can't let myself purchase anything that is just because they are coming, or to just celebrate their arrival. Because when it comes down to it, I am still not sure that we will be taking home babies at all.

Being a realist sucks. Knowing the odds sucks. Knowing that not everyone gets to bring a healthy baby home from their delivery sucks. And knowing that these things are even more likely with twins really sucks big hairy balls, excuse my language.

I get these glimpses of hope. Last night I mentioned to Husband that when the Harmony test comes back that I want to start getting the babies room ready. I have a beautiful shade of antique blue picked out that I am comfortable using if the babies are boys or girls. I happen to abhor pink rooms, so even with girls I am confident that we can make a light blue room feminine. I contacted my friend last night who offered me her crib that she is finished with now that she is done having kids. I found a good deal on a twin nursing pillow so bought it rather than spending twice the price later on. I am slowly, slowly, planning for babies who I don't even expect to bring home yet. I must be insane.

Late evening update: The scan went beautifully. All fingers, toes, limbs and organs were accounted for on both babies. And they were measuring perfectly to dates with no difference between the two - which means no twin-to-twin-transfusion-syndrome. It was very, very good news. We also found out that we are welcoming 2 more girls into our family. Phoenix will have two sisters to love and share her life with. I feel so hopeful.